Five Ways to Fight Fair in a Relationship

Any relationship, no matter how good, will have disagreements.

Many good relationships have been torpedoed because
people who loved each other didn't know how to fight fair. They
misunderstood differences of opinion, turned them into
unbridgeable gaps, and wound up losing those they cherished.

How do you fight fair? Here are some principles.

1. Listen to the other person.  No, really listen to them. Not
only hear, but understand. Understand well enough to argue
the other person's point-of-view persuasively, especially if you
don't agree with it.

2. Try to separate the fact of a fight from the emotion. If
you lose an argument, you lose an argument. Assuming it
didn't involve bullets or bombs, are you really worse off for it?
Sometimes we ought to lose fights, especially if we are in the
wrong. Is that so hard to accept?

3. Look for truth in what the other person says. No doubt
truth will be mixed up with some raw emotions at times, but it's
still in there. If I am open to truth in all circumstances, can I
deny it just because someone I don't like (at the moment) uses
it against me in a fight?

4. Join your truth and the other person's truth, then see
where it leads.
Fighting fair isn't about compromise. It's about
building a new position that includes both your truth and theirs.
If there is ego involved, ego is strong enough to include the
truth wherever it finds it.

5. Know when to say when. Some fights you have to fight,
for all concerned. Some you can walk away from. Be mature
enough to know the difference.

©2008, John G Cunyus, All Rights Reserved.

Words, Images, and Layout ©2008, John G. Cunyus
All Rights Reserved

John Cunyus is freelance writer working in North
Texas.  His work may be viewed online at
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