Five Ways to Fight Fair in a Relationship Any relationship, no matter how good, will have disagreements. Many good relationships have been torpedoed because people who loved each other didn't know how to fight fair. They misunderstood differences of opinion, turned them into unbridgeable gaps, and wound up losing those they cherished. How do you fight fair? Here are some principles. 1. Listen to the other person. No, really listen to them. Not only hear, but understand. Understand well enough to argue the other person's point-of-view persuasively, especially if you don't agree with it. 2. Try to separate the fact of a fight from the emotion. If you lose an argument, you lose an argument. Assuming it didn't involve bullets or bombs, are you really worse off for it? Sometimes we ought to lose fights, especially if we are in the wrong. Is that so hard to accept? 3. Look for truth in what the other person says. No doubt truth will be mixed up with some raw emotions at times, but it's still in there. If I am open to truth in all circumstances, can I deny it just because someone I don't like (at the moment) uses it against me in a fight? 4. Join your truth and the other person's truth, then see where it leads. Fighting fair isn't about compromise. It's about building a new position that includes both your truth and theirs. If there is ego involved, ego is strong enough to include the truth wherever it finds it. 5. Know when to say when. Some fights you have to fight, for all concerned. Some you can walk away from. Be mature enough to know the difference. ©2008, John G Cunyus, All Rights Reserved. www.JohnCunyus.com |